This is my grandmother’s sister. So my grand mother too. She was visiting us after a long time and the last time she was here I didn’t think I’d see her again. But she’s doing well for her age and it was nice seeing her again. She reminded of my grand-mother who I miss. I regret not having the opportunity to make her photos. So when her sister came home I couldn’t let this opportunity pass.
Some days on an evening an idea comes to your mind and you can’t stop thinking about it. You find it difficult to sleep because you can’t wait for the next morning to execute the idea. The brain suddenly is on steroids. You can’t wait to go and execute that idea and see if you’re able to pull it off and make it exactly like you thought it would look.
And then there are some other reasons that give you sleepless nights. Equally exciting. My little one here has slowly started to get into a normal routine of sleep but on most days sleep is an alien word for her. First 3 months were a No-Sleep zone for both of us. It feels like an automatic transition from being a kid ourselves to being parents. This experience makes us think about the sleepless nights we must have given our own parents. And that kind of gives us strength to hang in there. Even though there are times we find ourselves struggling with no sleep the excitement overpowers any struggle. This new change also has brought in us even greater appreciation for what our parents did for us. I have now started feeling guilty for being such an ass at times when I think of all the trouble I gave my parents when I was a little kid. I wasn’t a great kid to have. My elder brother was and still is the favourite for he was the most obedient and responsible kid in the family. I’m the one with the stories. And I don’t feel too proud of them.
When my wife tried to put a blanket over Soumya to see if that could make her think about going to sleep, an idea came to mind and I grabbed my camera and the flash handheld above the blanket making the blanket behave like a large softbox. 3rd photo below was made having the flash bounce off the wall on the left while the first one with a toned down power just enough to give a night time feel while the baby is wondering about something. I wonder what, if at all, kids think about at this tender age.
If you ask the great photographers who are also very nice human beings they would want me to think there’s nothing called a professional photographer or an amateur or a hobbyist. They’d want me to believe in my art and think of myself just as a photographer irrespective of where I am technically or otherwise. As long as I’m making intentional photos. I know it’s unfair but when I look at their work and where I am I start to imagine a black and white movie scene where a dark street probably in 1940-50s, urban environment, filled with people with dark tall buildings on both sides of the road, side walks are hardly visible because on the road (the ground level) are the photographers like me who haven’t found themselves and are lost somewhere in the crowd. Everyone has a camera. Starry eyed I’m looking at photographers in the buildings by the window of their rooms (higher level) are only a few. They are busy doing their work, sipping the coffee, reading their books and can be easily recognized even by their shadows.
So when some times I wonder about what I should be photographing next I unfortunately miss to see the most important parts of my life right there in front of my eyes. My family. How about documenting my kid’s growing up years. I fear once she starts walking and make friends she’ll have less time for her dad. Until that happens I try to capture the moments that involve her so to create memories that she’ll hopefully cherish when she looks back at her photos.
And the fears are back. This time in a good way. In the last post I shared some feelings. On bad days those fears are a source of disappointments. But on good days same reasons are a source of inspiration for the next thing. A source to keep the fire going.
It’s one of those feelings when we were a child and couldn’t wait to go for that picnic trip next morning. The excitement gave us sleepless night. Same feeling when an idea comes in head and you can’t wait to see the results of the efforts.
The photo above required more efforts than I thought it would. The idea was to create a simple levitation portrait. I was on a ‘sick-leave’ but the cousins had a busy schedule plus it had already started raining. So we had to move quickly. His elder brother held flash just above the head from camera right with no diffusion. Not by choice as the time frame was too short for a setup and the incoming rain wasn’t helping. Fired away a few shots and this was the result after spending a good hour on the system.
I didn’t do a great work in photoshop as I’m still new to it but I do think this is a nice by-product of the experimentation. Hopefully you’ll see more coming.
Some of you might have received a new post notification when I accidentally hit Publish instead of Save draft. The post is only half done.
Sorry! The new look wordpress dashboard caused some confusion. I will try to be better next time.
Update: I tend to write these posts as I experience certain sentiments and keep them in draft. This is not a photography tutorial blog and doesn’t need to be as there’re a billion better resources out there. So I share some of the sentiments as I experience them.
I wrote this post a while back but seemed like a good thing to share and I’m sure some of these feelings a lot of you out there can relate to. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a photographer. It’s nothing but a bunch of BS we all go through when we’re down. Just because things start to look so damn hard. It starts to feel like the end of the world. But on good days the same reasons make this thing attractive. Good thing is I (we) know ‘this too shall pass’ as someone wise said.
Catchy title? That statement defines my state of mind when I have gone without making or come close to making any photo for a week. Feels like it’s leaving me. There are certain fears that surround me when I have not made anything recently. Here’re some thoughts that go through my mind.
I fear I have shot my last ‘good’ frame.
I fear I won’t get any more photo ideas.
I fear I have lost too much time to ‘make’ it worth anything. I started late and am running 10 years behind.
I fear I have too many things to learn than I have time to. The steep learning curve isn’t helping either.
I fear my muse has left me. I’ve not been good at relationships and my relationship with my muse hadn’t even matured before she had it enough. May be I wasn’t putting enough efforts to make her stay.
In the end, I fear that all my fears above are more real than just fears..
I did something I hadn’t done for over 5 years. Fly kites. Kite flying is a fun activity/tradition in India on and around the Independence day on 15th of August. It’s also done in many other parts of the world for various reasons and in various different ways. So this little shoot was to rewind my memories and create portraits of the current generation.
The kid above is my little cousin who flies much better kites than I ever did. So a portrait session to mark his skills were obvious. I don’t know if this activity is termed as a sport but many parts of the world do indulge in this activity pretty seriously.
Kite flying is no piece of cake. As kids we’d spend hours on the roofs even on a scorching hot day. It’s fun to watch some seniors fly kites today because of their expertise and dominance when they are in the game. The idea is to fight other kites and who can stay in flight while bringing down others wins. It’s a healthy fight mostly in the sky between two kites using a specially made thread. This thread known as manjha can even cut fingers if you’re not careful. Fun times.